Monday, March 20, 2023

Game in the Brain Feb Performance

 My delays in finishing 2-Parsec is killing my visibility.  I know, of course I get sick, I have social obligations, I hurt people I have to repair and make better. So Of course I'm paying for it with delays. 

Speaking of pay, I have some residual income from the Cooperative of the company, so I got some gain I could spend. I can pay for the art and services for 2-Parsec, but What I don't have is time. 

If you noticed my frequent of posting has gone down I've taken a lot of load at work. Giving Erpnext and Pfsense and FreeCAD training almost every day. Imagine students who don't answer or say anything while I try to explain technical concepts and make technology work and demonstrate it to them. It's mentally and emotionally exhausting. Of course of the students I encounter, I have the few that do listen and that recharge me. 

As for my staff, I have a hard time and the power imbalance as the boss makes me suspect everything and be paranoid. I try to be kind and open-minded even if my danger sense is tingling; the students - with those who don't care and their indifference are more real.  I like knowing I'm not persuasive at all because it removes the layer of power as son of the owner to have a better measure of the situation. 

It is a strange thing where the indifference of the students is something I can work with and the lack of sincerity and hidden indifference of my co-workers are more problematic. One would ask "Why not exert more forceful control?" I would say - that's a tired trope, there are millions of other strategies, and we live in an era now that has an AI that I can use to explore alternative strategies with and I would use force? Anyway they're still students and I'm getting free labor - of course they are getting a Director to teach them cloud, erpnext, pfsense, project management and problem-solving - more hands-on than their professors. I had ECE students who couldn't solve this problem: I have a gpon  router, can I just connect it using a Fiber Optical Media Converter from the switch to the media converter to the gpon router?"

Some much to work with some much to help - I can and I offer the help readily its just they are so unmotivated and I have dispassionate employees who don't want to get out of the mess. So emotionally drained after training people 5-6 hours a day - recording, taking my own minutes, and demonstrating and problem-solving live in front of an audience. An audience that is mostly despondent. 

The really good students I get to work with is what I look forward to, people who will probably make some history I get to be lucky to meet.   

So with the emotional labor I will hopefully power through and finish soon. I can't say when I'll finish. Just know I'll finish and you can run a game with the material with weak areas at least mapped.  

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